I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
