Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
