If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
