did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
