Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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