I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it was like eating out sand paper
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
