Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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