i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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