how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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