i dedicated my morning wood to you.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
