Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
