hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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