no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
