Just cropdusted the office
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
