He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
