The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
