hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
