So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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