My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
