Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
