can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
