Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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