I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
