I just pynch a tree in the face
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
