thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
