Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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