my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
