after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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