you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
