I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
