3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
