I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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