My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
