I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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