yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
