the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Your cock deserves a montage
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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