your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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