I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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