so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize