I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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