Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
time to smoke my breakfast
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
