its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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