dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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