He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
