So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
