I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
