so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
