Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
