it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
