so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
