My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
