what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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