he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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