Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
