He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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