Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
